


baby blues

by outoftouch



Series: multifandom drabbles that i never finished [1]
Category: One Direction, One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, but in a comical way, but nick is only mentioned a handful of times, everyone is collectively sick of harry's shit, harry and zayn clearly spend too much time on tumblr, harry isn't as much of a whore as the tags suggest, harry really wants a baby, kind of, liam reminds him that he doesn't have a uterus, louis is slightly pissed at eleanor, niall just wants to fuck, nick grimshaw wants in harry's pants, zayn is too grown for 5sos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 16:32:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2658773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outoftouch/pseuds/outoftouch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wants a child, and texts the rest of the group for their input on the subject. They really aren't taking any of his shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	baby blues

**Author's Note:**

> this is a one direction group chat thing based on all of the posts i’ve seen on my dash about harry wanting a child and based on conversations i’ve had about the group’s dynamic, each of the boys’ personalities, and harry’s weird obsession with kids.bthis is majorly self-indulgent and i apologize for that.

iMessage group chat

**harry has invited: niall, zayn, louis, liam**

**harry** : guys

 **zayn** : ✔ Seen 3:36 pm

 **harry** : zAyn stay off of tumblr         

 **harry** : imessage doesn’t work that way           

 **harry** : perrie might be stupid enough for that but i’m not

 **louis** : oh my GOD harry what the fuck do you want

 **harry** : so

 **harry** : how much does artificial insemination cost

 **harry** : i need to know

 **harry** : for a friend

 **liam:** harry oh my god you can’t just have a kid 

 **harry** : wHY NOT LIAM

 **liam** : because you don’t have a uterus artificial insemination won’t even work

 **niall** : can we name it ireland like alec baldwins daughter

 **harry** : what the heck niall no

 **harry** : it’ll be something dignified

 **harry** : like amelia

 **louis** :...pond?

 **harry** : maybe

 **harry** : we won’t know until i give birth now will we

 **liam** : oh my god does no one listen to me you can’t just have a kid you’re a man

 **zayn** : why are you even indulging him liam leave it alone

 **zayn** : if you ignore him he’ll go away

 **harry** : OHMY GDO perrie can take care of it

 **harry** : do you think el would be my surrogate our kids would be adorable

 **louis** : WHY WOULD MY GIRLFRIEND HELP YOU WITH THIS

 **harry** : we’ve been in talks for weeks we just wanted your approval

 **louis** : she and i will be having a VERY long talk about this

 **harry** : well if you say no nick has a friend of a friend that works in the newborn area of a hospital and is willing to get me a child for a relatively small fee

 **zayn** : nick is helping you to steal a child

 **niall** : everybody wanna steal my kiiiii-d

 **liam** : niall shut up

 **liam** : am i the only one that has a problem with this

 **zayn** : i can’t get past the fact that nick grimshaw is helping you to steal children

 **harry** : not directly but yes

 **liam** : louis don’t you have anything to say about this

 **louis** : i’m too busy yelling at el to care bye bastards xoxox

 **zayn** : nick fucking grimshaw is helping you to steal children

 **zayn** : he wants in your pants even more than i originally thought

 **niall** : zayn we already knew this

 **zayn** : i know but his dedication to wanting to ride harry like a fucking horse is truly admirable

 **liam** : tru

 **harry** : tru

 **niall** : tru

 **louis** : tru

 **harry** : i thought you were yelling at el

 **louis** : oh yeah bye

 **zayn** : what the hell i’m leaving this band

 **harry** : zayn you can’t do this I LOVE YOU

 **liam** : where would you even go

 **niall** : luke says 5sos would be happy to have you

 **zayn** : they’re like 10 or something

 **niall** : ashton is literally a year younger than you

 **zayn** : is luke even legal yet i can’t tour with an underage boy

 **niall** : yea he just turned 18

 **zayn** : but there’s not enough room for my high notes in their music

 **zayn** : nvm i’m staying

 **liam** : wtf leave

 **harry** : liam if you don’t contribute something relevant to this conversation or SHUT THE FUCK UP I SWEAR TO EVERY GOD I WILL SLEEP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND

 **liam** : damn ok i’ll stop

 **niall** : harry your frustration is makin me horny wanna fuck

 **zayn** : what

 **liam** : what

 **louis** : what

 **harry** : heLL YEs

 **liam** : when did you guys get so gay i thought everyone here was straight

 **harry** : dude i literally dated louis for the first year of this band

 **niall** : i slept with zayn twice

 **zayn** : i’m still sleeping with harry

 **harry** : wtf zayn we said we wouldn’t tell them

 **harry** : o and i got louis off in the showers yesterday soooo

 **liam** : i need some time to think so. bye.

 **harry** : sO who’s gonna help me find a surrogate

 **harry** : or steal an already born child i’m not very particular on how the accumulating of the child is done

 **zayn** : lol bye

 **niall** : zayn just told me to stop texting you so bye

 **harry** : fine i’ll go to nick then

 **liam** : can we get back to the fact that i’m the only straight person in this band

 **louis** : i’m straight mostly, i just have an affinity for warm holes

 **harry** : and for having things up your warm holes lmao

 **louis** : we agreed not to speak of this

 **harry** : no you broke up w me when i told you that i wanted to tell the band and adamantly told me that “i am in fact 100% straight” and then we proceeded to have hate sex and you bottomed

 **zayn** : that’s cooler than our first hookup harry wtf

 **niall** : so are we gonna fuck or

 **zayn** : harry is mine wtf

 **harry** : you’re engaged

 **niall** : doesn’t stop him from being balls deep in you does it

 **niall** : like i DESERve to be

 **liam** : this is so gay im out

 **louis** : harry can turn anyone liam don’t underestimate him

 **louis** : harry what are you by the way

 **harry** : i just like people damn chill

 **zayn** : fuck this

 **harry** : i still want a baby

 **niall** : go fuck nick then

 **niall** : HE’LL give you a baby

 **harry** : that’s actually a great idea why didn’t i think of that

 **zayn** : lmao you know he’d tell the paps

 **louis** : pretty and smart???? didn’t know you had it in you zaynie boy

 **zayn** : go fuck yourself you cunt

 **liam** : damn chill

 **liam** : i’m actually leaving this time y’all are infuriating

 **harry** : nobody asked for your irrelevant mayonnaise ass to stay here since you don’t have SHIT to say about helping me to acquire a child

 **louis** : oooooohhhh

 **niall** : thAt was amazing

 **zayn** : shit it’s time to rehearse leggo

 **louis** : why have we been texting when we’re sitting in the same room

 **harry** : idk it’s convenient

 **** **harry** : anyways let's go cause a bunch of teenagers to orgasm xoxo


End file.
